I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
