If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
