My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
