I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
third nipple confirmed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize