I should be sponsored by Trojan
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
