so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
