Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
