She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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