this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
