Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
