i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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