smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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