I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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