We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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