I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize