we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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