Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
