Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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