Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
