I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
