apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
