I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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