I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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