peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
