Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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