You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize