i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
