I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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