i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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