I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
