and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize