Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
