let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
