I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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