Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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