he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
