is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
