She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize