im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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