You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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