He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
