Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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