I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
