i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
