man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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