in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize