then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
