Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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