we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
