Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
