just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
