How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
