god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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