Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize