don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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