I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
