Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
