Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
