my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
