i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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