I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
