A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
