the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize