Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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