If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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