"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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