The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
