Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize