Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
