Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
