first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize