I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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