If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
